Nadia

When uncertainty clouds our vision and rains on our parade, may we graciously look up to see the rainbow above the horizon. One that is vibrantly inviting and inspiring many a joyful sprint, till hues and colours we paint with our fingertips,
Another rainbow.

The very best of sweet luck to you for this moment and beyond, my loves.

© Copyright 2017 A Cup of Strawberries

All Rights Reserved

Published in: on May 30, 2017 at 9:24 PM  Leave a Comment  

Thoughts on my birthday

~Don’t know why I didn’t publish it then.

~Don’t know why I’m publishing it now.

Soul flight.
How I describe the feeling of each day that is filled with passion, inspiration and joy.
Mmm. Those days are my favourite.

I attempted to recall the moment of my birth several times today. Life still doesn’t feel real. Nothing is permanent and everything seems a beautiful illusion.

Life teaches you some fine lessons, regardless of whether you seek them or not. Plan transforms into action, experience transforms into reflection. Reflection transforms into guidance as it writes a page for itself in your current or previous chapter in life. The textbook of my life is so heavy and it’s all in my mind.

There is no set, single system for how you or I should live these few years of life.
It is unique to you. Embrace it. Open your arms to your own journey… It is yours for the taking.

I remember three years ago now when I was intimately in love with the natural world  (I turned a blind eye to the imperfections as best as I could). I admired the beautiful blue sky with white, wispy clouds…each and every green leaf on a tree… Everything was a miracle. My heart would overflow and then overflow some more and I would dance in bliss. Yet, when an unpleasant situation occurred, my worldly attachment became the bait that I had already bitten. I felt like a fish that was caught on a hook and reeled onto the land. Indeed it would feel like the world had turned on me. Ultimately, I was a puppet tugged by a million invisible strings (that, I could so clearly see). If it was stormy outside, I felt a grey heaviness looming in my chest. If I then played the song Come Clean, by Hilary Duff, I felt that the storm had a clarifying effect on me, like it brought out the sunshine within.

The weather, the music that you listen to, the food that you eat, the clothes that you wear, the things that you say (or don’t say) to yourself, the people around you and the things that they say, the shows that you watch, the literature that you read… (this list goes on and on…)
Pay attention. Everything has so much influence on your state of mind.
Also, optimism is actually good for you.

Once, I was confronted with the notion that I should not give much importance to that which is impermanent and unreal -this world- that morphs into a different world for each one of us. A temporary manifestation;

Each day composed of:

60,000 thoughts.
Trying to keep yourself busy and safe.

The time of the past is beyond us. The future is past us.
In a world that does great impressions of forever and boring, it is hard to grasp all this.
One must be stirred up.
Feel, you see.

When you are flying on a plane, how real does that feel?

Looking at the sheets of cloud hover
Beside and above you, enveloping
The entire stretch in a sea of white.

Endless.

In such moments I am simultaneously in and out of touch with a world that I realise is never the same. There is still, however, an inexplicable non-physical barrier that doesn’t allow my self to truly feel the world’s weight.

Even in those moments…
All I can do is gaze.

People acknowledge it, I suppose. And then maybe they tell themselves to stop thinking about life.

Honey this world can kill you or save you, yet it is wholly impartial. Also, disappointment and happiness are closer to us than we think.
This world is your parent… and when it smacks you, it’s above the law.
Let the world flow, the moon rise, the sun dip, yet don’t form unbreakable attachments. Be ever present in the inner joy, that peace that is eternal. Love that which is eternal, within you. Then you cannot be flicked on and off like a light switch. Instead you will burn a steady flame till smoke.

I was a confused and frustrated, sad soul when this knowledge first acknowledged me. I still had such attachment to the beauty of this world. I got defensive and worried. Had I been doing it all wrong? I wondered. How I was supposed to live then?

I went through different phases. Self learning isn’t easy.
My report card was as follows:

Reject everything in this world – Fail

Hate everything. Hate those majestic, dying trees. The sunrise, the sunset. – Fail

Forget the wise lessons of detachment and pretend to carry on as usual. – Failed when misfortune fell upon me.

So I literally went through testing each of those out, trying to figure out life and how I should see it. Yes, I was confused.

I finally learnt the lesson: It is about appreciating and embracing detachment correctly. Then, all harmony – with a touch of natural reality – is restored again… Figuring this out has made me happier. Simply put, being detached, for me, means neither hating nor being possessively needy. It is a live and let live, go and let go philosophy.

The world is simply like that – thunderstorms one day, rainbows the next. Just move on without harboring any resentment, for your own peace of mind. Being truly detached allows you to take every blow as impersonally as you like. You can laugh at life.

I am still deeply moved by the gentle breeze, the soft touch.
Ancient dances and music.
The sweet green peas, a mini-mountain on my dinner plate…How round and elegant.

Everything that churns that bigger-than-life feeling in the soul. That is what I seek.

It feels perfect to embrace these wonders in the right way, so to develop qualities like gratitude, wonder and compassion.
That bigger-than-life feeling is necessary to manifest and motivate the soul flight in your heart.

Find your purity. Once you start seeking your self, that joy becomes your biggest strength. The longer that you are set in your joy, the more detached you can be from this outside world of transience. That’s when nothing can shake you. You can take the good and reject the bad easily.

It has the power to change your perception completely.

Laxmy

Published in: on December 14, 2016 at 2:34 PM  Leave a Comment  

On the bus

This world isn’t real.

I see now, these people walking along the street

Rushing

Or pacing

Upon each square of cement

Pairs of eyes

Conscious beings.

Yet this make up is just that,

Make up

Covering what lies beneath.

It’s all a big illusion, folks.

There is no disconnect

Between the paradise in your mind’s eye

And what you manifest in your present reality.

So always remain happy

How do you do that?

You must be filled with love at every waking moment.

How do you do that?

Do you feel stuck in the motions? Life has made you its punching bag.

You only get 4 weeks vacation.

There isn’t enough time to recover between each blow of each day.

I know that letting it fester won’t get you any help.

It’s a trap.

Telling yourself to ‘surrender and let go’ isn’t as simple as that.

There are techniques.

To start,

You need to take back your control.

To take back your control,

You need to be in the present.

Focus on every breath that fills your lungs,

With each deep breath, inhale sweet gratitude,

Even if it’s for the ground beneath your feet

And the fluid inside your ears

Balance is such a gift.

A miraculous high awaits you, if you continue.

THE WORLD WOULD BE SO DIFFERENT WITHOUT YOU.

Remember, that just a pinch of turmeric is enough to transform your dish into a spritey yellow.

Every breath, every moment, you are born again. Erase the past with every exhalation. It’s done, dusted, over, gone forever. It will never come back to haunt you, stop inviting it over. 😉

I really have nothing much to say on the every-day. Everything is either miraculous, exciting or adventurous (refer to previous post, I am still just a baby at heart).

The world needs this. I see many people lost. I want to brighten your day.

If you are like me, wondering what wonderful gift we can share with everyone – and I mean everyone-

Here is the secret:

A smile.

Everyone! Rich or poor, tall or short, young or old, from Brazil to Adelaide

Give away a smile.

After all, we are all just babies born into this world.

A baby responds to a smile – it’s natural.

Only very few people know what’s really going on.

And that’s okay. Things are going exactly as they should be.

We should be there to reassure others of this fact.

A smile is reassuring. A smile is connecting.

The smile signifies

“We are all in this together.”

That is what it does.

Smile at everyone you meet. Genuine and from the heart. Give it away, give it away for no rhyme or reason but for gratitude for the eternal sunshine that is within you.

Everything is miraculous, exciting or adventurous.

Even when things go wrong – it’s exciting.

Just don’t let the boss hear that 😉

Note:

I’m sad
and sweating because it’s too hot.

Correction* I was sad…my sadness is dissolving.

I decided to check my drafts.

And I found this post.

It made me feel light.

I hope it made you feel light too.

Let’s reconnect with love and put away the junk.

Refresh. Shower. Come alive again.

I love you.

The trauma is there. It may come back to haunt you.

For those neglected parts of yourself, you must revisit it and be gentle on yourself, on your wounds. Give those parts of you the tender loving care and affection it deserves. And then come back into the present. When you come back into the present, focus and go for what makes you happy. Healing takes time. Multiple visits on separate occasions… Possibly over years and years. Let it flow as it should.

Be blessed.

Take care.

Aham Prema

I am divine love

You are divine love.

xo

Laxmy

© Copyright 2016  A Cup of Strawberries

All Rights Reserved

Published in: on December 13, 2016 at 9:34 PM  Comments (2)  

Li’l Ms India

15139224_1158846180873905_740239908_n15135682_1158846280873895_540415570_n15135661_1159011250857398_1885769802_n15128505_1158844934207363_1694017904_n15129744_1159011227524067_1355844734_n15129835_1158844957540694_1196877415_n15134297_1159011224190734_748502546_n15086855_1159011307524059_787555226_n15086976_1158846630873860_196508074_n15151520_1159011210857402_826088231_n15135638_1159241200834403_1196176145_n15151363_1159241107501079_1348201240_n15139577_1159241144167742_71869868_n15151023_1159241264167730_1513252063_n15135584_1159241130834410_1597878651_n15151415_1159241310834392_1286952739_n

Credits:

All images by my beautiful friend Antara Trivedi ❤

Instagram: antara_98

Just a baby at heart.

Babies cry for lots of different reasons.

And then there are times when they cry for no reason at all.

There is a reason for that too.

Babies and toddlers are the closest to God, they say.

They cry because they miss the pure warm love of God that was everlasting and ever present till they were born.

The mother and father then have to take up this great responsibility. They  soothe their newborn by giving the baby love, milk and happy or surprising distractions. They know to rock the baby back to sleep.

Soon, life has plenty of distractions for us to avoid that sharp pain and longing.

We are all asleep, in that sense. Somehow occupied with one distraction or another.

But we can’t deny.

The parents who showed love and concern for their babies

When the baby needed it the most

Acted on behalf of God

Showering the child with love.

Maybe that’s why there’s the saying:

Mata Pita Guru Devam.

Published in: on November 7, 2016 at 12:45 AM  Leave a Comment  

Kid Kudi

I find myself in the middle of the night when all is still and all is quiet.

Dancing like a lovesick person… Twirling, crawling. My mad heart howling at the night sky.
Singing till I drop… And then whimpering as I enter into a warm embrace with myself.

Feverish eyes gaze at the fabric and fibers in my bedroom, silently.
Till I fall asleep.

I think I’m mad and I love it.

Published in: on October 23, 2016 at 11:08 PM  Leave a Comment  

Throw your hate at me and I’ll send you flowers.

Hello my beautiful huuman 🙂

Meditate. Release the tension in your body. For a few, sweet moments… Just breathe deeply and exhale slowly. Listen to this authentic music that instills a sense of longing and sweetness in you:

If you feel like reading a bit after that song, here you go:

Do you sometimes feel like you got your hopes up for nothing?

That’s the best part… Let me explain.

What’s life without getting your hopes up?

That person/situation opened your eyes to the possibilities, right? It’s something to feel grateful for. 🙂

I see you dwelling on the pain when your hopes are crushed… Does it stop you from trying again?

Please don’t let it. Reacting or competing with this fickle material world only adds to the suffering.

You are unlimited. Why should you react to the phases that are limited on your unlimited timeline? Breathe in deeply, exhale slowly and realise your inner truth and sweetness.
This too shall pass.

My bling sibling, it helps to let go to the flow and find present happiness if you focus on living your life with the attitude of ‘this or something better.’ Always tell yourself that. 🙂

I was talking to my friend, Z, last night. I mentioned how practice in overcoming hardship reminds us of our strength. We are all strong, we just don’t acknowledge our power until we draw upon it.

Z replied: I’ve overcome a few hardships in this life but I don’t feel stronger. I feel like I’m just losing my emotions with each hardship. I just feel less.

I asked whether Z took the time to reflect and introspect.

The mind can often be a tragedy queen on ice and its opinions and how we feel are not true indicators of any situation. There’s no situation that we can’t handle, no event or circumstance where we are without a helping hand, even if it means that that support is in the form of our own inner guidance.

Everything has a solution.

Though you feel less now,

One day, it will all add up and you will find and feel plenty more. While you may be going through the pain now, just hold on until that time. It’s a cycle. Trust me, I’ve come around full circle enough to tell you. 🙂

It’s indeed like doing a flip on a bar. You go down and feel uneasy, till you come back up, alive and well.

Most importantly:

Whatever happens,

Dont let anyone tell you any different. Keep safe and share your shining heart.

Dont let anyone tell you any different. Keep safe and share your shining heart.

People tell me:

“You shouldn’t share your weaknesses with others.”

“Don’t trust others, people might take advantage of your goodness.”

“You shouldn’t love so much.”

“People are going to hurt you really badly.”

Do they tell you the same? I understand we must protect ourselves… but completely categorising any heartfelt oppenness as losing our armour? Losing our defence? When did we build such high walls? 🙂

What if I told you the following:

1. We all have and should strengthen and make use of our intuition. I have intuition, boundaries and limits, and guidance from a higher power. All of this protects me and it will protect you too if you so acknowledge it and trust it.

2. If we blindly listen to the messages that say that we should stop loving, We’d be just like the people who hold such beliefs; hurt, cynical and unbelieving in the magic. Closed off, we’d always be waiting for the opportunity to pounce on someone’s goodwill and find underlying motives or explanations for their kindness. Or, we’d transform into the type of people who immediately write off someone as ‘just like all the others’ if they get out-of-sync with us after a while of getting to know each other.

That’s not how I roll.

I won’t ever lose my love, hope or faith in the living creatures of this world and their goodness. I’m asking you to hold my hand and trust in the goodness with me.

It’s because I continue to love with an open heart and mind that I meet more people who prove to me that I’m right. They will show up in your life too, if you let them.

Do you know how good it feels to be genuine? To openly connect with someone who has been protecting themselves from the hate all their life?

And while I  do meet people who may be manipulative or try to bring down my vibe, I just know that they don’t matter anyway. 🙂

I’ll keep rising. We’ll keep rising.

Throw your hate at me and I’ll send you flowers.

Please don’t be mistaken; there’s no pain here. Only love and good vibes.

This is who I am and nothing can change me. I can’t even change myself.

Love All

Serve All

Help Ever

Hurt Never

Find and stick to those who uplift you. That’s all you need.

xo

Laxmy

© Copyright 2016  A Cup of Strawberries

All Rights Reserved

This girl is finally study(eat)ing

Omg can’t stop eating dates. Somebody save me. I’m going to turn into iron man soon!!!

Published in: on June 10, 2016 at 10:30 PM  Leave a Comment  

Hello Ms Roller Coaster

So, how have you been?

As for me, kind of on a roller coaster ride internally. But don’t take that in a negative way just yet – think of a medium-speed, 12 year old’s roller coaster ride – the highs and the lows add some thrill and joy to your life and you know you won’t fall off! It’s going to be okay! 😉

For me, my highs and lows are positive, constructive and lead to a deeper understanding of myself in terms of my identity, abilities and limits. Introspection can be tumultuous – the analysis, the understanding, the anger, hurt, happiness, acceptance, all of it. Post-introspection, I am at peace given I write down my lessons. 🙂

I know one could do a “can you chill?!” on me. But I have a time and place for that and right now is not that time lol. I know those dear to me say “don’t just sit and think” and it’s true when it comes to worrying, but this mindfulness, I cannot let go of it. If I were to deny myself some time to reflect, I would not only lose the vital lessons from such a session, but I would somehow lose myself too. I really would. It wouldn’t be me anymore.. It would be someone who doesn’t touch their troubling feelings nor their inner goodness. It would be not seeking to understand/rectify one’s deepest anxieties and at the same time not seeing one’s unbelievable growth and adaptability. I could try and chill when I feel introspective (more like ignore the feeling), but that’s like not getting on the ride mate. It’s like denying my very essence… and better learning curves. 😉

Anyway, reader: (or maybe it’s just me who’ll end up reading this lol)..
You’re a nice human being… You know that deep down. 🙂 If you don’t believe what I’m saying, an easy way to make this feel more believable is to hit rewind on the unnecessary guilt you cling to and think back to the times when you enjoyed Pingu on TV with mashed food in your mouth… 🙂

That’s still you. Deep down. Isn’t it? 😛 … You thought I didn’t know? Haha.

And I also wanted to say, thank you for being who you are… I know it can be hard to be nice all the time, especially when you don’t feel nice, but you doin’ well. Appreciate. 🙂

Waddelse.

I’m still learning about life and people, guys. Something that struck me from my post-surgery irritation, old grandma’s sad talks, people’s rapid fiery comebacks, etc. is that everyone needs their feelings to be recognised as true and real. That’s it. If grandma (or anyone for that matter) says that she feels lonely even though it appears her entire family is around her loving and supporting her, just accept her feelings as true. Sit down and listen. Acknowledge it… For if she feels it, she’s feeling it. You can’t deny that.
I reckon that for us human beings, feelings seem far more true than what appears to be factually true. Quick denial of feelings with some rhetoric or talking reason isn’t going to help… You just got to accept dem feels brah. 😛

This applies in other settings too: If someone is troubling you or always shoots off on a super short temper, they must be constantly bothered or anxious about something inside… And it’s not you… It’s something that they’re harbouring! They’re just aiming it at you for no good reason, putting the blame on you because they cannot yet see that it’s internal and needs an inner solution. It’s like when you eat the last piece of cake and forget about it.. You blame your sibling or even the dog because you don’t bother straining to remember or think about your actions! (If only you could look within yourself sometimes… but not to see the digesting cake). 😛

Now, if you’re emotionally attached to that fiery/mean person especially, it may be harder to do this, but just acknowledge how they are going through this unsteadiness. Recognise it. That sets you apart from the guilt… You don’t need to feel guilty if you’ve done nothing wrong. So try to see the real background in all of this and act appropriately 🙂
It’s more of what’s going on with them, inside them.

To help everyone (harbouring resentment or anger is damaging ourselves too), let it go. Also aunty’s wise words of advice: no matter what you do, you can’t change people (unless they themselves want to change). So just let them be and you be wise. 🙂  Take that high road. 🙂 I know it’s easier said than done but practice makes perfect and the strength and peace you feel from this awareness and your thought-out responses will get you patting your back!

Waddelse.

Talked to a friend today. Heartbroken friend… but what is so glorious, yet painful at this point of time, yet glorious, is that this friend loves! Hallelujah for people who love!
Some snippets, with permission of course 🙂 :

A: “Do you feel like you really lived and were happy in those moments?”

B: “That was life.”

A: “Maybe an outcome you could look forward to could be coming out of this better.. Realising later on how it may be a bit painful, but it’s still better like this (in ways) … Though you’ll always miss it. You wouldn’t let it happen again?”

B: “I would. I forgive and love them more than anyone could ever imagine and no matter what happened I always will. I have no hatred or anger; just pure love and hope and pray every night for their safety and happiness.”

A: “Then you love truly and I am proud of you. Always cherish this within you for it conquers all. I feel the same deep down yet in order to get on with life you may come to lightly accept the above mentioned too. In the end, whatever makes you happy.” 🙂

….

On an end note: I don’t want to always bother you with my mental jumble/days thoughts! But I reckon a real friendship or any other relationship demands this kind of talk from time to time…If it helps someone then it’s a very nice thing to do, to socialise in this manner 😛 :).

After all, everyone, including myself, has a desire to have their feelings and thoughts acknowledged.. 🙂

Love, love and more love

Yours,

Laxmy

Published in: on May 9, 2016 at 5:13 AM  Leave a Comment  

Life time

Don’t believe what they say,

That you have lived for just 19 or 90 years.

Our life cannot be measured with time

That warps and zips

And stretch

-es.

All the times where I wished I could press pause… In a second I crossed a century.

And the sweet moments where time stood still,

There I

Still live

For eternity.

Don’t believe what they say,

That you have lived for just 19 or 90 years.

Our life cannot be measured with time

For time is still a mystery.

………..

© Copyright 2016  A Cup of Strawberries

All Rights Reserved

Published in: on April 11, 2016 at 1:59 AM  Leave a Comment  

Giving up?

Often, the middle seems like the end.

Don’t throw in the towel,

Just yet.

© Copyright 2016  A Cup of Strawberries

All Rights Reserved

 

Published in: on April 11, 2016 at 12:47 AM  Leave a Comment  

Real Talk

Was listening to a few oldies! When I played Freestyler though, I was reading through the comments section and read the realest comment ever by a Youtube member called Silent Watcher:

When i listened to this song. a few years ago, some really deep memories came up. Memories of my childhood. I remembered my siblings listening to this song. This was the shit back in days. 90s and the early 2000s was the best era. I was born in 98 but i want to be called a 90s kid. I lived all the good stuff of the 90s and the early 2000s rocked as well. Then everything was gold. Kids were happy. Music was perfect and catchy. Gaming was in its beggining and it was perfect. With ps1 and ps2 times were great. Also sports were better. Football was meaningful and footballers were playing with passion and not for money. We could entertain ourselves with many ways. The shit was good back in the days. After the internet revolution something has changed. Today’s kids are way different. I dont say the world shouldn’t change. But the previous generation was much better. Nostalgia is strong with this one. I think everyone who lived in the 90s is lucky. Even europe was more united than now( i am not sure about that but i am guessing). I wishsl i could live more in the 90s but having lived the end of it, i feel blessed. Thumbs up for the 90s kids, who were watching the good stuff on the TV, who were crying bc were falling down injuring themseves while playing with the kids of the hood or bc their brother wouldnt let them play some ps. Thumbs up for the good old animations movies, anime and cartoons. We were truly living back then. Sorry for the long comment. FREESTYLER…RAKAMAKAFON.

Dang. So true. So true. The internet has changed us forever. And it hurts. Hmm.

 

Published in: on January 22, 2016 at 10:07 AM  Leave a Comment  

Musical Snippets of my Life (2) My (inner child) jam

First CD: Metamorphosis by Hilary Duff

metamorphosis

Played on: First music player; the stunning Philips Walkman.

walkmanmodel

As soon as I saw the picture of this Walkman I burst into tears. It’s the same model that I had…Listening to Anywhere But Here by Hilary and seeing this Walkman AT THE SAME TIME made me experience something I wouldn’t quite be able to articulate. I’ve always almost been in touch with my young heart… but this time I felt like I finally fully tapped into the exact feelings and persona of my 7 year old self. it’s like someone hit me fast and hard and I realised I haven’t lost myself at all in this process of growing up in a complicated world. That 7 year old me is in me right now… She’s the same old girl just a little deep inside but always peeping through… :’) and I gave her a big hug!!

I remember how 7 year old me couldn’t physically imagine I’d live till 13 (I tried imagining a grown-up me after watching a group of pre-highschoolers hold hands and run). Growing up seemed impossible. Yet Here I Am!!!! I survived :’)
I’m Living, Breathing, Loving. My heart overflows. I love mini-me ~ The sweet and shy little Lizzie Mcguire fan. Thank goodness for Youtube… Watching Lizzie Mcguire and listening to Hilary Duff’s songs formed a large part of my first 5 years in school. So wonderful to revisit and relive the best parts of life. Dang, how time flies 🙂

Here’s the song and lyrics for Hilary’s Anywhere But Here from the album Metamorphosis:

When I’m in a crowd
Or on an island by myself
Silent or too loud
Wishing I was somewhere else
And I can’t believe
You hit me fast and hard
When you turn to me and say
Never change the way you are

Trying to catch your eye
Things will never look the same
Now I can’t deny
You’re the moth and I’m the flame
There I go again
I should walk before I run
How can I explain
I can’t stop what you’ve begun

[CHORUS:]
I’m falling through the door
Flying ‘cross the floor
When you look at me suddenly it’s clear

You’re burning up my dreams
Crazy as it seems
I don’t wanna be anywhere but here
Anywhere but here

What goes on inside
Is a mystery no doubt
A roller coaster ride
I may never work it out
Here’s the brand new me
Skates around and floats on air
I’m a sight to see
Rainbow colors in my hair
You have set me free
The one who gets me there

[CHORUS]

Here is the place where
My head is spinning
Time is beginning
To race away
You come to throw me
Knock me off my feet
You give me wings to fly
The world goes crashing by again

[CHORUS 2X]

Childhood is just unending joy…

Oh, my heart. ^_^

 

 

Published in: on January 22, 2016 at 9:13 AM  Leave a Comment  

How do you view friendship? In True Colours

“My friends say that it is eternal, immortal.. etc. Yet I don’t understand it. What do you think? How do you view friendship?”

A close friend asked me this question last night.

I had two options:

a) Say something semi-serious like “friendship is you giving me indigestible food for thought like this on a lazy Sunday :).”

or

b) Mine into the depths of my friendships (I didn’t have to go far – a part of me always dwells there) and recover some treasured memories and feelings to write something from the heart.

*If you haven’t noticed already, I chose option b, like a boss.*

What I see in my bonds with friends goes a little like this:

Friendship is painted in moments of blending between the rainbow layers in people.

By default, and sometimes unfortunately, we display and connect only with the sunny reds, oranges and yellows. While this is wonderful, it is important to note that those layers which appear to be the lightest in everyone’s eyes may often feel as dreary and dark as a heavy grey cloud on the shoulders of someone who is upset or depressed..

Nevertheless, this layer of friendliness that is generally reserved for strangers, acquaintances and extended family members is like a ray of sunshine. A give and take of politeness, a sprinkle of cordiality.. and has the potential to reach genuine fondness or disregard depending on how the yellow shades in you mix with the momentary glowing fire, green monsters and blue tears of the other.

Other times, it seems wholly appropriate to find a magnetic force pulling you to discover the depths of a vibrant personality whom you find rather intriguing. With such people, you feel like they will see past your sunflower days and recognise your deeper, fuzzy borders that aren’t either blue or green, but an undefined shade of aqua and mixed emotions. Such are your hopes, though you are uncertain and cannot quite predict which layer they will blend into just yet. You make it a mission to find out and find yourself fascinated by their presence and power. They seem to penetrate your filters and still shine through in all their poly-chromatic glory. Discovering which shade of you they could drizzle down into prompts you to sketch yourself in their visions and paintings of life and dreams. Give and take some mixing and mingling, some touch-ups of colour and some painting over, you find yourself discovering a near masterpiece. A solid new pigment. A friendship-baby hue that permanently stains a part of your rainbow. You fondly look back at their original drop of true colour. The moment it first splotched onto your imperfect array of colours. The impact it made, the colours it swirled into and imbibed from and around you as it streaked through and settled at a happy medium layer.

Sometimes you reach a layer and feel repulsed thinking “this red is a shallow, fruity-pink and not the lush maple that I expected to find.” You may continue spreading into this pink, like cancer, and attempt to mask it, if not transform it with your glints of intoxicating wine red.. Clouding their identity and right to the lighter layers of life. Or you may abandon them. You may seize to be a sailor through the their daily motion picture and will leave only a stamp behind… Imprinting your mark on their rainbow that no rain can wash away…

Maybe later you will return and dot-paint patterns at deeper or wider levels. Then you will find that the other layer was just a place that clashed with your colours of that time. You will find that there is much more beauty to be discovered and doodled over at the heart of the person. I encourage everyone to return again and again and continue probing like this. Experimenting with little blobs of colour on different, interesting parts of another person’s rainbow. It is much better to rediscover friends than reject them.

Sometimes, my lovely friends, in this discovery of deeper layers, the rainbow hues of the other person kiss the entire stretch of blue sky above your head and the bronzed ground below your feet. As if by the strokes of a brush wielded by the invisible hand of destiny or God, their rainbow embraces your deepest layers. High and low, from your daisies to your black holes.  It takes the sincerest shades of courage, compassion and a silver-magic for one to go so deep that they cannot get out without touching every stroke that you are made of. It is after all, your heart and soul bare. It is white. It is black. Everything or nothing. Reflection and absorption. It is you. It is me. Ironically it is these shades that we are most unsure of. Some find themselves in a distastefully-green pickle before reaching these layers of you. These people promptly brush past into mediocre colour combinations without discovering the ruby red roses hiding in the emerald forests of your mind.  Some special ones, however, spiral straight in and see more dazzling designs than you can imagine yourself. They see that your dove whites exist because of all your other beautiful shades. Your richest and darkest black sheds light on your unseen depths of existence, beyond the realms of perception.

These special ones adore you. Previous blends with them aren’t quite so warm or true as the glow and glitter in your shared galaxy of gold. Your eyes speak through sparkles. You feel the ocean in your stomach and fish swim in your head. Whatever you would consider to be a fatal flaw in any other human being, becomes an endearing quirk in your lovely pal. It is a relishable peace. A safe haven. It is love.

It is at the above point where one (or at least I) go a little mad and start sending my best reviews and prayers for my special ‘discovered’ friend to the universe. “Do look after this kid please.. Oh and this one! Please. This is a good kid. I love this kid. Even if this kid isn’t nice to me, please let this kid find all the happiness in the world and let all their dreams come true.. Yes, that is all I desire. Thank you universe. Thank you God…” *Proceeds to shed a tear of love and tightly hugs the body of air surrounding her.*

Those are the layers and versions of friendship that have tinted and transformed my rainbow. It is a unique experience with each person. As with anything in life, I appreciate those friendships that are most genuine, uninhibited and natural.

Sometimes my dear, you need to splash colours of your own onto a white canvas to discover the friend and colourful rainbow in you. Sometimes you need to gently dab in your unique, contrasting colours to unlock someone’s hidden layers.. Those layers that hide beneath their highlight-reel yellow. Doing this dab and doodle gives me immense happiness as it helps me realise how much I love people and how deep they are… No matter whether you are shy, confident, awkward, goofy, glamorous, emotional, disastrous and sometimes heartless, you are all lovable people to me. All with your unique rainbows of true colours… waiting to create double rainbows with a pal. Oh you lot! :*

Now just like a beautiful rainbow after a drizzly shower.. friendships can pop up right when you need it…and gradually fade. They may not be eternal for one or both of you. The bonds of friendship can be strained through miscommunication – a bad mixing leading to a dirty brown, or miles-in-between – no mixing at all.  Yet whatever happens, we can appreciate its timeless quality. As the years go by, I assure you of this: the best details in the paintings of our lives will be from the mixes and blends of our unique rainbow with another’s.

Written with love from the palette of friendship.

Yours

Laxmy

P.s.

A song for you: Click here ❤

 

 

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Published in: on November 30, 2015 at 8:03 AM  Comments (1)  

My loves

I adore flowers and astronomy. Both are very close to my heart.

 

 

Published in: on November 30, 2015 at 1:32 AM  Leave a Comment  

Tonight. This sweet sweet glorious Summer night. The first night of Summer. I feel bubbly. I feel happy. I feel perfect. And I feel ready, Oh, so ready! To Love again.

Published in: on October 3, 2015 at 6:44 PM  Leave a Comment  

Story of My Life

“We come unbidden into this life, and if we are lucky we find a purpose beyond starvation, misery, and early death which, lest we forget, is the common lot. I grew up and I found my purpose and it was to become a physician. My intent wasn’t to save the world as much as to heal myself. Few doctors will admit this, certainly not young ones, but subconsciously, in entering the profession, we must believe that ministering to others will heal our woundedness. And it can. but it can also deepen the wound.”

Abraham Verghese, Cutting for Stone

Published in: on September 25, 2015 at 9:57 PM  Leave a Comment  

Hmmmm. How you feeling?

I now officially confirm what I have known for at least a decade: I have 100% faith in music. 🙂 It is one of the things that is forever fresh and consistent in my life..Something that I can count on till the day that I die.

I am also very, very grateful that my arms are long enough for me to hug myself when I cry. These arms hold me, and I feel myself both offering comfort and being comforted, parcelled with the unique and wonderful feeling of being 100% understood. No one can offer that to you but yourself.

So stretch those arms around you and go for that bear hug! No harm in trying.
Let the music penetrate and take you to a different place. I could compare the experience  of going to my music-safe haven to jumping on a trampoline. The music, vibrations, beats all spring a buoyancy in me to bounce back from the sticky mess I jump into from time to time.

Hope this helps.

Lots of Love

Sai Laxmy

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Published in: on September 17, 2015 at 5:59 AM  Leave a Comment  

Rahseti

Some people that I meet are both crooked and sweet. I see through their lies, I stay by them sweet. For if the whole world criticised the crooked, that may just teach them to criticise more. Yet, if we all zoomed in on their beautiful souls and those nice gestures they accidentally let slip, maybe they’d find themselves wanting to slip again..

I’m forever affectionate to these crooked and sweet people, the ones who must need love the most. Some call it dumb, I call it optimistic, though I’m not unaware of the fact that their crookedness may break me..

 

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Published in: on July 24, 2015 at 5:02 AM  Leave a Comment  

Music sculpts what words cannot.

I want to write but my words turn into tunes.

Tunes that swirl into divine cocktails of spiralling sweetness.. and sometimes soft growls and cries of human weakness.

Breathtaking.

I feel words cannot match the essence of a melody,

So fine-tuned to express my emotions.

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Published in: on February 22, 2015 at 8:56 PM  Leave a Comment  

Musical snippets of my life (1)

The only timeline I have of my life, is a musical one. My most beautiful experiences are vividly accompanied by the music that befriended me at that time. Snippets of many ‘first times’ that a chord struck my heart, are forever in me. They have impinged upon my mind, carved a seat into my memory. Music affects me strangely. I have stitched a feeling to each note, and hence a song brings up a reservoir of my feelings. The memories can be visual, emotional, spiritual, and sweetly exhilarating. I love to visit these memories, these deep wells of secrets, and drown in them. I come back up with a deeper sense of understanding of this world around me. My universe is ultimately defined by music. It’s magic defines my boundaries. Life is, after all, a bittersweet symphony:

 

This used to be one of my long lost songs, that had left a deep impression on me, probably many years ago when I first heard it. It was that lucky, blustery day, that I found it again while on my way back to school from spec, in Renee’s car. It was a stressful time, when I was contemplating whether I should be doing spec as a fifth subject, on top of my other 4 year-12 subject course-load.  I didn’t (and still don’t) know whether I want to solely pursue my beloved physics. Ms L (my physics teacher) is my inspiration and role model, and I hope to grow up and be just like her, but I can’t get myself to narrow my career options down. I love learning about the mysteries of this universe, but I also love the brain, I love the eyes, I want to incorporate physics, math, chemistry, biology, psychology, English, history, music, …, i.e. everything, into what I do. Now that I think of it, it’s quite ironic that my young, seven-year-old self used to reply to the question “what do you want to be when you grow up?” with “an actress, singer, dancer,  author, scientist, poet, doctor, astronaut…”.

Nothing has changed.

Any who, thank you for turning on the radio that day, Renee. ❤

 

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Published in: on August 15, 2014 at 8:25 PM  Leave a Comment  

Remember not to procrastinate.

Why do we forget ourselves?

I am not me when I step out of through front door. I forget who I am. And when I get back home, and settle in, and remember.. I tap into who I really am, and it brings me peace.

I reckon I should do that more often.

Perhaps in a social setting one is more concerned for others than for oneself. I need me time, alone time – to getaway from the unimportant things that life brings me in contact with – so I engage in self awareness for my happiness and well being.

IDK.

When I am at school, I simply forget. I forget that I have lived in several different countries, marched, sung, danced, modelled, painted, cried, laughed, skipped.. Loved…

Maybe this whole thought combined with my sudden enthusiasm to publish something (that isn’t even a memory) was just another way to procrastinate.

My English homework is sitting on the bed, books strewn all over the place. Looks lonely.

I like to think that it wasn’t though.

Goodnight.

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Published in: on February 28, 2014 at 2:49 AM  Leave a Comment  

IT’S A MUESLI WORLD

I call it a muesli world, for it represents to me, a mixture of sweet and crunchy energy. There is nothing to add in terms of flavour and it is wholesome in every respect.

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Published in: on February 25, 2014 at 4:02 AM  Leave a Comment  

Stream of consciousness

Butterflies, paradise. Soul stirring sensations, cave of butterflies soft as dollops of butter swimming water guilt and harmony surrender to my mind. Round and round in the sea swirl tides round and round in life happiness and joy smiles to mysteries of the unknown. The stars that explode fire inside fire fireball. Strumming guitars in caravans on the dry dusty dirt road. Escape dreams come to blunt reality.. come to what I don’t know.. Come to what should be.. come to know the value of time and how precious it may be. Yet I want to stay, still, sit, here, thinking, thinking, dreaming, dreaming of everything. desires, exploding stars.. god love life pain.. mystery.. why .. overwhelming.. Life has more than 1 side.Balance them.. find true peace.. Never. And that is the reality . Cant live superficially must swim the deep side. Need to find out what to follow.. Open up to the beauty inside or search for the same comfort in the outside.Because love is you. Love is what I feel when I see from inside. When I feel your comfort.. I am searching.Nothing is evil.. love and acceptance.. yet there are .. societies, my great-great grandmother.. What am I doing? What is the purpose.. there are many.. Yet they do not give me happiness, life is sailing by.. So many stories unheard of. God. I seem to desire the simplest things.. Everything is so perfect gravity, maths and 37 degrees.

Published in: on May 24, 2013 at 11:37 AM  Leave a Comment  

Mark my lips.

How hard it is, to erase the in-erasable.

When the scar outside cannot be separated from the scarred inside?

 

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Published in: on January 11, 2013 at 9:58 AM  Leave a Comment  

The old shows

I used to be a big fan of Lizzie McGuire.

Big-big fan.

Still am.

I loved that show so much that I would never miss a day of watching it. All the crazy episodes that kept me entertained after school.. and that catchy tune. I admired Lizzie. When I was younger, I remember a few girls at school asking me why I talked so expressively (the squinting eyes, scrunched eyebrows, “omg!?”) while casually carrying on a normal everyday conversation. I realise now that it was all those Lizzie episodes.. All of Lizzie’s characteristic facial expressions caught onto me… hehehe.

Come to think of it, I miss many of the shows that used to come on TV (especially when Disney broadcast  better shows -in my opinion, compared to what’s screened these days for the li’l kids.)

That’s So Raven was also a favourite! Used to watch it religiously when I stayed in Delhi for a short period.

I feel all excited even when I hear the Bananas in Pajamas song, or when I see Postman Pat.

Thomas the Tank Engine – (the old one) etc

Excluding Disney shows, I still feel my kid-happy-bubbly feelings rising in me when I hear the Arthur theme song, or even glimpses of the used to be- Round The Twist shows that aired on in the earlier years while I was still living in Australia.

The good shows were seriously good back then.

Whether they were for babies or teens.

I watched them all!

I know I’m going to miss the few shows I watch on TV probably in the coming years, if they stop repeating them- Everybody Loves Raymond, Friends. etc

Not complaining here, the new ones are filled with wit and some are quite interesting. But the oldies had a bit more soul in them.

Though one thing remains true: 6 p.m. Simpsons – never gets old.

 

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Published in: on November 2, 2012 at 3:31 PM  Leave a Comment  

My first moon

I remember casually walking around aimlessly in the living room of our old house in Palmerston North, New Zealand.

It was night time and the lights weren’t on, but I could see from the glow of the street lamps.

I remember the coffee coloured couches, the carpet and the slightly open glass doors which were curtained off with sheer lace.

Then I recall being scooped up by my mother and being placed on her hip -which irritated me, probably because I was happily wandering about doing God knows what.

Then she carried me towards the glass doors, pulled the curtains behind us and pointed up at the sky.

I gazed up to see that I had ‘found’ the brightest, milky-whitest, round ball glowing in the darkness.

And the picture of the moon that night seemed ever so beautiful to my astonished little heart.

 

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Published in: on January 18, 2012 at 2:09 PM  Leave a Comment  
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