Hello Ms Roller Coaster

So, how have you been?

As for me, kind of on a roller coaster ride internally. But don’t take that in a negative way just yet – think of a medium-speed, 12 year old’s roller coaster ride – the highs and the lows add some thrill and joy to your life and you know you won’t fall off! It’s going to be okay! πŸ˜‰

For me, my highs and lows are positive, constructive and lead to a deeper understanding of myself in terms of my identity, abilities and limits. Introspection can be tumultuous – the analysis, the understanding, the anger, hurt, happiness, acceptance, all of it. Post-introspection, I am at peace given I write down my lessons. πŸ™‚

I know one could do a “can you chill?!” on me. But I have a time and place for that and right now is not that time lol. I know those dear to me say “don’t just sit and think” and it’s true when it comes to worrying, but this mindfulness, I cannot let go of it. If I were to deny myself some time to reflect, I would not only lose the vital lessons from such a session, but I would somehow lose myself too. I really would. It wouldn’t be me anymore.. It would be someone who doesn’t touch their troubling feelings nor their inner goodness. It would be not seeking to understand/rectify one’s deepest anxieties and at the same time not seeing one’s unbelievable growth and adaptability. I could try and chill when I feel introspective (more like ignore the feeling), but that’s like not getting on the ride mate. It’s like denying my very essence… and better learning curves. πŸ˜‰

Anyway, reader: (or maybe it’s just me who’ll end up reading this lol)..
You’re a nice human being… You know that deep down. πŸ™‚ If you don’t believe what I’m saying, an easy way to make this feel more believable is to hit rewind on the unnecessary guilt you cling to and think back to the times when you enjoyed Pingu on TV with mashed food in your mouth… πŸ™‚

That’s still you. Deep down. Isn’t it? πŸ˜› … You thought I didn’t know? Haha.

And I also wanted to say, thank you for being who you are… I know it can be hard to be nice all the time, especially when you don’t feel nice, but you doin’ well. Appreciate. πŸ™‚

Waddelse.

I’m still learning about life and people, guys. Something that struck me from my post-surgery irritation, old grandma’s sad talks, people’s rapid fiery comebacks, etc. is that everyone needs their feelings to be recognised as true and real. That’s it. If grandma (or anyone for that matter) says that she feels lonely even though it appears her entire family is around her loving and supporting her, just accept her feelings as true. Sit down and listen. Acknowledge it… For if she feels it, she’s feeling it. You can’t deny that.
I reckon that for us human beings, feelings seem far more true than what appears to be factually true. Quick denial of feelings with some rhetoric or talking reason isn’t going to help… You just got to accept dem feels brah. πŸ˜›

This applies in other settings too: If someone is troubling you or always shoots off on a super short temper, they must be constantly bothered or anxious about something inside… And it’s not you… It’s something that they’re harbouring! They’re just aiming it at you for no good reason, putting the blame on you because they cannot yet see that it’s internal and needs an inner solution. It’s like when you eat the last piece of cake and forget about it.. You blame your sibling or even the dog because you don’t bother straining to remember or think about your actions! (If only you could look within yourself sometimes… but not to see the digesting cake). πŸ˜›

Now, if you’re emotionally attached to that fiery/mean person especially, it may be harder to do this, but just acknowledge how they are going through this unsteadiness. Recognise it. That sets you apart from the guilt… You don’t need to feel guilty if you’ve done nothing wrong. So try to see the real background in all of this and act appropriately πŸ™‚
It’s more of what’s going on with them, inside them.

To help everyone (harbouring resentment or anger is damaging ourselves too), let it go. Also aunty’s wise words of advice: no matter what you do, you can’t change people (unless they themselves want to change). So just let them be and you be wise. πŸ™‚Β  Take that high road. πŸ™‚ I know it’s easier said than done but practice makes perfect and the strength and peace you feel from this awareness and your thought-out responses will get you patting your back!

Waddelse.

Talked to a friend today. Heartbroken friend… but what is so glorious, yet painful at this point of time, yet glorious, is that this friend loves! Hallelujah for people who love!
Some snippets, with permission of course πŸ™‚ :

A: “Do you feel like you really lived and were happy in those moments?”

B: “That was life.”

A: “Maybe an outcome you could look forward to could be coming out of this better.. Realising later on how it may be a bit painful, but it’s still better like this (in ways) … Though you’ll always miss it. You wouldn’t let it happen again?”

B: “I would. I forgive and love them more than anyone could ever imagine and no matter what happened I always will. I have no hatred or anger; just pure love and hope and pray every night for their safety and happiness.”

A: “Then you love truly and I am proud of you. Always cherish this within you for it conquers all. I feel the same deep down yet in order to get on with life you may come to lightly accept the above mentioned too. In the end, whatever makes you happy.” πŸ™‚

….

On an end note: I don’t want to always bother you with my mental jumble/days thoughts! But I reckon a real friendship or any other relationship demands this kind of talk from time to time…If it helps someone then it’s a very nice thing to do, to socialise in this manner πŸ˜› :).

After all, everyone, including myself, has a desire to have their feelings and thoughts acknowledged.. πŸ™‚

Love, love and more love

Yours,

Laxmy

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Published in: on May 9, 2016 at 5:13 AM  Leave a Comment  

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